The Trash Whisperer: Interpreting the discardings of a single woman

Glam Trash (courtesy of drinkmixer.com but slightly altered b/cuz Bud Light is pisswater)

2 parts chilled Goldschlager

1 part Blue Moon ale 

1 splash grenadine

Fill 3/4 of a shot glass with chilled goldschlager then add 1/4 glass of beer. Splash grenadine on top for color. Allow the beer to suspend the gold flakes in the glass. Serve immediately.

I sometimes wonder what would happen if detectives had to ramble through my trash and what kind of assumptions would they make about my life. Not that I plan on being the subject of a Law and Order "ripped from the headlines" episode, but one would never know.  So I took a picture of my bathroom trash can and in a word - wow:

As you can see I have a soap box, condom wrapper, pregnancy test, q-tips, deodorant spray and under all of that is a melange of cotton balls, empty hair product containers and makeup remover pads.

If I were a detective who didn't know me, I would assume that I had a date, used the spray, date went well, used the condom, took a shower and maybe a few days later took a PT, and somewhere in between fell upon some ill fate. But that SO did not happen. Well never mind the fact that I'm alive and typing, I also have explanations that show how these things aren't related.

• The soap box - I'm fiercely loyal to the brand. Heart it. Need it. Use it.
• Condom wrapper - I actually don't have as active of a sex life as I used to. I'll get into the "fellas" at a later date, but this little wrapper is lonely in that can - trust me.
• Pee stick - It's actually not what you think. As the prophylactic wrapper indicates, I'm fairly responsible. But for some crazy unknown yet brief reason my boobs started leaking this morning. Oh btw, *TMI moment* lol. So I took the test as a JIC, but as I knew and suspected - no dice.
• Deodorant spray - I like my hoo ha to smell good. What other explanation is needed here?

I can imagine that some of my trash doesn't seem any different than any other woman's regardless of her marital status, but the juxtaposition of my weekly discards gave me pause this morning and I thought I'd share.