Sabina Rose

****The bar is closed today****

I never met Sabina Rose O’Donnell. Sure I’ve had my fair share of drunken milkshakes at PYT, but I don’t think that she was ever my server. Yet I have been crying a lot since I read about her brutal murder. I cry not because I knew her. But because I am her.

Sabina was beaten, raped, strangled and robbed outside of her home as she travelled from a friend’s house just 4 blocks away one late night. I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve taken a similar path. Walking home after the bar because it was a beautiful night and I was a little tipsy, so my feet didn’t realize that they hurt. Trying to avoid the walk of shame in the AM by sneaking out and walking home at 3 instead of when the sun made an appearance. Opting to take the bus or walk because I didn’t want to be a burden to my driving friends (although I know that they have never minded taking me home). Hell, even a week before her death while on travel for work I tried to walk back to my hotel after seeing a midnight movie, until the front desk woman refused to let me and made me promise to call for security to pick me up after my 2 ½ hour movie was over.

It’s not that I thought that the world was necessarily safe, but I think that I have become boastfully prideful. And I’m not alone. Most of my girlfriends are the same way. We’re die hard city girls. Tough as nails and fiercely independent. We have men around because we want them, not because we need them. We can take care of ourselves financially and physically and would never want people to think otherwise. My move to Chicago is a prime example. Here I am in this big city completely alone. When I go out, I’m going alone and before last week, I didn’t think twice about it. “I got me” is what I’ve been telling anyone who inquired about my safety. Sheeiiiit, I’m grown. Right?

But what I and so many women haven’t been realizing is that being “grown” is about being responsible and we need to start by being responsible for our own safety. Meaning that we create and use our support system. Your circle isn’t only there to rally around you when some dude has done you dirty, but to keep you safe.

So, just like Oprah asked everyone to pledge to refrain from using cell phones in the car, I’d like to ask my girlfriends to pledge to create a safety circle of at least 2 friends and to always use it. Have back-ups in case the first two are unavailable and do the following:

-Leaving anywhere late at night, have someone you trust walk you to your car. If you’re heading to a bus/train ask them to stand with you until it comes. One day I’d like to see establishments offer courtesy escort services to female patrons. Until that day, ask for one.

-When dropping a friend off at their door, DO NOT PULL OFF until they are inside of the house. After you drop the last person off, use your hands free device and stay on the phone with someone until you get to your destination.

-If you’re on a bike, use a hands free device and stay on the phone with someone until you get inside.

-Stop promising to text when you get in and forget because you fell asleep. Always text the people you were with to let them know that you’re home safe. If someone was supposed to text you and the time for them to be at their destination as passed – call to make sure that they’re safe.

-Even if you’re in a cab (and I know we’ve all been in some cabs with drivers who are too forward and/or just give you the skeeves) text someone the name of the cab company, the driver’s ID number (their ID should always be displayed) and a description of the driver.

-Finally, offer up your couch, spare bedroom, half of your bed or creatively layered blankets and a spot on the floor to your late night visitors. If they turn down the offer – insist until they promise to stay or to do one of the above.

There are always going to be monsters out there, but let’s make it harder on them. This isn’t about being paranoid or a damsel in distress. It’s about being safe and responsible.

Sheeiiiit, we’re grown.

Right?