Boy Talk

Thinker...

2 oz white rum
1 oz blue curacao
2 oz guanabana nectar
1 tbsp sweetened lime juice

Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker over ice (if you haven't noticed by now, 99% of my drinks involve a cocktail shaker) and shake it like you're starring in a Shake Weight commercial.
Pour into a chilled martini glass and garnish with a maraschino cherry.

Sip and think and sip and think...

So I haven' really gotten around to talking about the boys.  Some have a super long and complicated history and frankly, I just haven't had the time (or wanted to give them the energy) of going into detail.  But tonight I received a message from one of them and it got me going.

His name is Brady.  We dated on and off and on and off for 5 years. We have an insanely complicated history that includes pain and heartache and tears.  It also had joy and laughter and (lawd knows) pleasure.  In the end (I say "end" gingerly because who knows when it will ever really end?) we weren't on the same page.  I wanted to settle down and start a family. He did not.  I decided that I couldn't go on any further knowing that I wouldn't be happy with the tumultuous nature of what we had.  It was like he only wanted the things that I wanted when I threatened to take them and me away. 

The Chicago move was made easier by our last year.  I think that I did more crying that year than any other and when I gave him an ultimatum to move forward or move on he called my bluff.  I honestly think that he thought that me relocating was all bullshit. After all, not many people uproot their entire lives and move 750 miles away with no support system and for what seems to be no apparent reason.  It's not like I was going away to school or HAD to move for a job (we all know how that worked out).  But he was wrong. Before I left I refused to see him.  He kept saying that we needed closure. Unbeknownst to him I'd had my closure when I decided to start interviewing and apartment hunting in Illinois.  He would send me text messages and drive by my house testing whether or not I had actually left.  Then one day he drove by and there was a moving truck outside.  I don't think that he knows that I saw him, but I did.  I think of him often.  I was so close to calling him a few days ago just to tell him that I missed him, but I didn't.  It wouldn't have been healthy for me or helpful to what my new reality is.  I'm moving forward with everything in my life and old relationships need not be resurrected.  

Then tonight I got a text message (I set it so that all of his calls go directly to voicemail) and he said that he wants all of the things that I want.  That he was ready to settle down and ready to start a family with me. That the timing was off before, but now it's right.

His timing...

I told him that he was 3 months too late and to have a good night.

And now I'm crying and thinking and writing, and it's 2005 and 2006 and 2007 and 2008 and especially 2009 all over again.