The Last Mojican Mojito

2oz spiced rum

1 oz sweetened lime juice

1 oz sour mix

3 oz lemon lime seltzer

1 lime wedge

3 sprigs of fresh mint

In a cocktail shaker add a few ice cubes, mint, lime wedge and sour mix.  Muddle the mixture for 1 full minute.  Add lime juice and rum then shake it like you're in a Pit Bull/ Ying Yang Twins video.  Remove the shaker top and in a tall collins glass, pour the contents of the shaker and the seltzer simultaneously.  Stick a straw in it and enjoy!

I woke up crying this morning.  Sobbing.

I dreamed that I was in some sort of parade with all of my closest girlfriends from different phases in my life - my best friend from childhood who I've known since we were 5 years old, my good good girlfriends from high school and my closest friends from college and my current life.  We were doing a dance number and every time we turned in unison and I had to face a different one, they were pregnant and/or flashing an engagement ring.  And I began to cry.  And then I woke up.

I suppose the apex of the way that I feel could be the text I received yesterday from a friend's mom asking for my address so that she could send me a baby shower invitation.  This is the friend who is a new, but fairly successful actress and who I thought didn't want children until she was more established in her career.  Granted she and her husband have been married for about 4 years and we're all not getting any younger, but I guess I thought that she would be the last of the baby-less Mojicans.

Did I mention that in 2010 5 of my friends got married, 4 had babies and 2 got engaged.  That doesn't include all of the "my life is better than your life" updates from facebook associates.  Just great.  But let me be clear - no one and I mean NO ONE is happier for them than I.  I have been blessed with having amazing sister friends in my life and they all deserve the love and joy that they are experiencing.  But I'd be lying if it didn't sting a bit, just because my life still feels so unfulfilled.

****Mid-post update****

I actually started this post on January 28th and I'm not sure why I never got around to finishing it, but no bullshit, since then 2 of my CLOSEST sister friends called to tell me that they too were pregnant...

*Le sigh*

Again, I am ECSTATIC for them. I even actually have accepted the role of godmother for one (and I take that shit seriously.  I have always declined in the past, so this is actually my first godbaby and I am super emotional).  But I contend that this still makes me a little sad.  Granted I spent the majority of my adult years thinking that kids were just a bunch of annoyingly loud and inexplicably sticky short people, - and they are -  but when I started being honest with myself I realized that I want little more than to have a healthy relationship and children of my own.

So here I sit - one of the last of the Mojicans, cringing just a little bit every time the phone rings.

Let's hope that I don't *bleep* it up

Punch Drunk Love (made for 2)


2 oz strawberry daquiri mix
1 oz grain alcohol
2 oz white rum
2 oz cranberry juice
1 oz sweetened lime juice
Maraschino cherries


Mix grain alcohol, rum and lime juice in a cocktail shaker over ice and shake it like it owes you money.  Add cranberry juice and daquiri mix and shake it again (because it may be holding out, who knows?).


Pour the delicious concoction over ice in a hurricane glass.  Garnish with the cherries and enjoy!


Why is it that whenever you cook for a new boyfriend for the first time, almost everything goes wrong? You never flip the omelet just right, your pancakes look a tad too pale and you accidentally overcook the veggie sausages... Ay dios mio!

Oh did I mention that Isaac and I are like official?

Yeah.

It happened a few weeks ago (I tried to write about it, but had some computer issues and unfortunately the post was lost).  I have been travelling for work an extensive amount and seem to always end up on the flights that are delayed, or have to fly through some cataclysmic storm or something.  One particular day I was having an especially trying time at the airport (long lines, late flights, delays, get on the plane, get off the plane, delayed again, yadda yadda yaddda) and Isaac was picking me up from the airport.  My flight was 4 hours behind schedule and landed at 1AM, but Issac was still there waiting for me. He gave me the biggest hug (exactly what I needed) and I just wanted to go home and hit the sheets.  As he loaded my luggage in his trunk, I opened the passenger side door and there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting on the seat.

He just stopped at the supermarket and picked up a large bouquet that were a bit mangled from having to had survive being picked over all day.

They were perfect.

See, while I totally am in to flowers and that sweet shit, I only like them on those "just because" occasions.  Don't give me flowers on Valentine's day just because corporate honchos at Hallmark and 1-800 Flowers sent subliminal messages telling you to do so. But giving me flowers because I've had a shitty day or just because it's Tuesday? I fucks with that.

Then on the drive from Midway to my apartment he asked me to be his girlfriend.  All high school and official like.

So just like that, Alice has a boyfriend.

I hope I don't fuck it up.

Boy Talk

Thinker...

2 oz white rum
1 oz blue curacao
2 oz guanabana nectar
1 tbsp sweetened lime juice

Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker over ice (if you haven't noticed by now, 99% of my drinks involve a cocktail shaker) and shake it like you're starring in a Shake Weight commercial.
Pour into a chilled martini glass and garnish with a maraschino cherry.

Sip and think and sip and think...

So I haven' really gotten around to talking about the boys.  Some have a super long and complicated history and frankly, I just haven't had the time (or wanted to give them the energy) of going into detail.  But tonight I received a message from one of them and it got me going.

His name is Brady.  We dated on and off and on and off for 5 years. We have an insanely complicated history that includes pain and heartache and tears.  It also had joy and laughter and (lawd knows) pleasure.  In the end (I say "end" gingerly because who knows when it will ever really end?) we weren't on the same page.  I wanted to settle down and start a family. He did not.  I decided that I couldn't go on any further knowing that I wouldn't be happy with the tumultuous nature of what we had.  It was like he only wanted the things that I wanted when I threatened to take them and me away. 

The Chicago move was made easier by our last year.  I think that I did more crying that year than any other and when I gave him an ultimatum to move forward or move on he called my bluff.  I honestly think that he thought that me relocating was all bullshit. After all, not many people uproot their entire lives and move 750 miles away with no support system and for what seems to be no apparent reason.  It's not like I was going away to school or HAD to move for a job (we all know how that worked out).  But he was wrong. Before I left I refused to see him.  He kept saying that we needed closure. Unbeknownst to him I'd had my closure when I decided to start interviewing and apartment hunting in Illinois.  He would send me text messages and drive by my house testing whether or not I had actually left.  Then one day he drove by and there was a moving truck outside.  I don't think that he knows that I saw him, but I did.  I think of him often.  I was so close to calling him a few days ago just to tell him that I missed him, but I didn't.  It wouldn't have been healthy for me or helpful to what my new reality is.  I'm moving forward with everything in my life and old relationships need not be resurrected.  

Then tonight I got a text message (I set it so that all of his calls go directly to voicemail) and he said that he wants all of the things that I want.  That he was ready to settle down and ready to start a family with me. That the timing was off before, but now it's right.

His timing...

I told him that he was 3 months too late and to have a good night.

And now I'm crying and thinking and writing, and it's 2005 and 2006 and 2007 and 2008 and especially 2009 all over again.

Mi Hermana - crazy wonderful

Perk Spot

1 cup of hot, dark brewed coffee

1 shot of Baileys Irish Cream

1 packet of sweetener (I prefer Equal because Splenda is weird and Sweet n Low makes everything taste like toothpaste)

If you need instructions for this drink, you should not be drinking coffee nor alcohol. tyvm.

My sister is in the hospital.  2 days ago she had an abscess in her mouth that became extremely infected and threatened to block her airways.  After visiting the ER they admitted her and performed emergency surgery.  She hasn't woken up yet.

They say  that it's normal and that she's fine.  She's just sedated because of the breathing tube but she'll be just fine. They say that in the morning they'll remove the breathing tube and she will wake up and other than not being able to speak immediately, she'll be just fine. So why can't I stop crying?  I mean I know why, but since all you guys know is that I loathe crying you may not really understand.

My sister and I are 17 months apart in age.  One would think that we'd grow up as thick as thieves. But one would be wrong.  While we were close (sharing a bedroom for 15 years tends to MAKE you close, at least in proximity) but all through childhood we fought like cats and dogs.  Hell, we didn't even start getting along until about 3 or 4 years ago. Yes I'm 32. Do the math.

I'm not exactly sure what our problems were.  I mean everything would stem from something minor but it would always end with an all out knock down drag out fight as if we were strangers in the street and a bitch just spat on you. I mean, I loved my sister, but I think it was more out of obligation and a shared bloodline than anything else, because I sure as hell didn't like her. She was mean. And stubborn. And angry. And just not friggin' nice.  Then suddenly something just clicked and changed.  We just got along. We never talk about it (although my mother has noticed), but it just is. We hang out. Laugh together. Openly love each other. And even when we get into a little bit of a tiff, it's squashed immediately.  She actually has a key to my home and is welcome to come and go as she pleases.  Even my parents have to call before just coming by.  My sister with all of her pride calls on me and counts on me for anything and I can count on her as well.  It's crazy, but crazy wonderful.

So seeing my tough sister who I just started this REAL relationship with laying in a hospital room motionless with tubes in her is devastating.  I just wish that I could fix her and make her all better so that we can hurry up and continue being the best sisters ever. But I can't.

And it makes me sad.  But I know that she will be okay. And as soon as she is, I'll make us a couple of Perk Spots and we'll hang out.  Just my sister and me.