The Last Mojican Mojito

2oz spiced rum

1 oz sweetened lime juice

1 oz sour mix

3 oz lemon lime seltzer

1 lime wedge

3 sprigs of fresh mint

In a cocktail shaker add a few ice cubes, mint, lime wedge and sour mix.  Muddle the mixture for 1 full minute.  Add lime juice and rum then shake it like you're in a Pit Bull/ Ying Yang Twins video.  Remove the shaker top and in a tall collins glass, pour the contents of the shaker and the seltzer simultaneously.  Stick a straw in it and enjoy!

I woke up crying this morning.  Sobbing.

I dreamed that I was in some sort of parade with all of my closest girlfriends from different phases in my life - my best friend from childhood who I've known since we were 5 years old, my good good girlfriends from high school and my closest friends from college and my current life.  We were doing a dance number and every time we turned in unison and I had to face a different one, they were pregnant and/or flashing an engagement ring.  And I began to cry.  And then I woke up.

I suppose the apex of the way that I feel could be the text I received yesterday from a friend's mom asking for my address so that she could send me a baby shower invitation.  This is the friend who is a new, but fairly successful actress and who I thought didn't want children until she was more established in her career.  Granted she and her husband have been married for about 4 years and we're all not getting any younger, but I guess I thought that she would be the last of the baby-less Mojicans.

Did I mention that in 2010 5 of my friends got married, 4 had babies and 2 got engaged.  That doesn't include all of the "my life is better than your life" updates from facebook associates.  Just great.  But let me be clear - no one and I mean NO ONE is happier for them than I.  I have been blessed with having amazing sister friends in my life and they all deserve the love and joy that they are experiencing.  But I'd be lying if it didn't sting a bit, just because my life still feels so unfulfilled.

****Mid-post update****

I actually started this post on January 28th and I'm not sure why I never got around to finishing it, but no bullshit, since then 2 of my CLOSEST sister friends called to tell me that they too were pregnant...

*Le sigh*

Again, I am ECSTATIC for them. I even actually have accepted the role of godmother for one (and I take that shit seriously.  I have always declined in the past, so this is actually my first godbaby and I am super emotional).  But I contend that this still makes me a little sad.  Granted I spent the majority of my adult years thinking that kids were just a bunch of annoyingly loud and inexplicably sticky short people, - and they are -  but when I started being honest with myself I realized that I want little more than to have a healthy relationship and children of my own.

So here I sit - one of the last of the Mojicans, cringing just a little bit every time the phone rings.